Three's a Crowd
by teaandcharcoalforbreakfast
Summary: John is really enjoying his and Karkat's relationship. Everything's going almost sickeningly perfect. And then to make it even better, Dave's transferring to their school and moving in with them! But, um, if they could quit talking so much about the three years they spent on the meteor without John, that would be great. Really, really great. ...Guys? (Game Breakers AU)


**A/n:** This is a lot shorter than my normal weekly updates, I know. But there is a good reason for this! I have started a text-based ask blog on tumblr: .com if you're interested in skyrim or johnkat (and I'm assuming that since you've read this far you're interested in at least one of those) please go check it out! It would mean a lot to me!

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The next few months with Karkat were probably some of the happiest I've ever had. The two of us had a simple, stupid little life, but it was ours. It only got better when Dave told me he was transferring up here in the fall to finish a bachelors ("what does my bro think hes doing? hed just said i had to graduate but now hes bumping up the fucking requirements to a bachelors he knows im just going to be riding the ironic porno gravy train all the way to the motherfucking station …but if im stuck with two more years of hell i figured i might as well do it with my best bro"). Karkat had griped about having to get a bigger apartment, but whenever it came up he'd turn away and get that little smile that he usually wore when he thought I wasn't looking.

We moved in August. Of course, moved is a relative term because there happened to be a two bedroom just upstairs that our landlord had been desperate to fill, and since we didn't make too much noise and paid rent on time and weren't moving away we got it for $50 more a month. It also couldn't have hurt that his wife thought we were "adorable."

It didn't take long to make ourselves comfortable. After all, it was the same building and I'd kind of taken home to mean wherever I could curl up next to a little ball of Karkat. But by the time Dave moved in we already had the main room and kitchen covered in crap and the entire apartment smelled of essence de bachelor, so we were pretty well settled in.

He showed up on a Saturday morning when it was pouring like someone had a fire hose pointed at our window. Karkat and I were just sitting around in our boxers when there was a knock on the door.

"You get it," Karkat said, not taking his eyes off of the TV. We were watching PS I Love You because I'd picked last time, and I would never stand between Karkat and that movie.

Still, I groaned dramatically and stood up like it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. He still didn't even look. There was a pair of sweatpants on the floor that I grabbed and slipped on. If it was someone important I wanted to be decent. But then I opened it and there was Dave, in all his pale, dorky glory. He carried four big black trash bags, which I assumed to be full of all of his earthly possessions. He was also sopping wet.

"Hey, John," He said. "'Sup?"

I couldn't help but laugh. He was dripping into an already good-sized puddle and his hair was flopping down in his face and he was _still _trying to be cool. "Hi, Dave! I'd give you a hug, but you know…"

He looked down, like he didn't have time for the water running down onto the floor. "Yeah. You should probably show me my bedroom first so I can change."

"Probably," I certainly did _not _giggle. "Come on."

I led him inside. Karkat actually looked away from the movie to throw him a lazy smile.

"Hi Dave."

"Hey Karkles. I like your boxers."

He turned away and blushed. They were covered in little cartoon crabs. (I'd given them as a gag gift, but it turned out he really liked them. Well, whatever made him happy, even if there's no accounting for taste. And that's a lot coming from me).

"Thanks, I like your sunglasses during the storm of the century."

"I _will_ come over there and hug you."

Karkat flipped him off in the same friendly way he flipped me off, but by then I was at Dave's door. I opened it with a flourish.

"Oh good, you got the bed," Dave said.

"Eh, actually we told your craigslist buddy to fuck off and spent that money you sent for hookers. This was on a street corner downtown. Karkat thinks there might still be drugs or cash hidden in the mattress somewhere. We thought it's what you would have wanted."

"I am so proud of you. My little babies are all grown up and swindling me. It makes me swell with fatherly pride and makes me want to weep tears so manly they're made from the blood of virgins and crystal meth."

I laughed again. "Okay, jerkface. Whatever you say. I'm going back to watch shitty movies with Karkat."

"They are _not _shitty!"

He whistled. "Ooh, gf's bitching. Have fun."

"Will do."

We looked at each other for a moment, both of us smiling like idiots.

"I missed you a lot," I said.

"I missed you too, Egbert."

"Brace yourself. Once you're dry I'm giving you the biggest hug of your life."

"I'll prepare my anus. Now get out of here, or Karkat'll think we're up to something."

"For fuck's sake, I'm right here!"

Dave let a smile cross his face for a moment but then shooed me away.

About ten minutes later he came back out. He seemed to have gotten the memo about the no pants thing, because all he had on was a pair of boxers covered in rainbows and a Jeff Dunham shirt that he probably got to piss off his bro. With a little mock salute as our only warning, he jumped over the back of the couch and landed right between me and Karkat. He threw his arms around our shoulders.

"Hey ladies, how's it going?"

"Oh fuck off, Dave!" I laughed, shoving his hand off.

"That's cold, Egbert. So very cold. I thought we were friends. What about the biggest hug of my life? Karkles has my back though, right?"

"Uh-huh," he replied, not taking his eyes off the TV.

"We're getting to the part where he always bursts into tears," I explained, "He wouldn't notice anything going on if the apartment burnt down.

"Fuck you," Karkat said.

"He's programmed to say that, 'sure,' 'whatever,' and 'John get me food.'"

"Sure, whatever. John get me food." There was a little smile on his lips so I reached over and smacked him.

"Oh boys, I just got here. Stop fighting over me."

"Has anyone _ever _fought over you?" I asked.

"All the time. And then I have to step in and say, 'oh contraire, my darlings. There is plenty of Strider to go around, and both of you supermodels-slash-actresses-slash-scientists are too perfect for me to ever harm. Come on, my bed has room for three.' And then one of them faints so we have to wait for a while, which really sucks. You know what that's like."

"Yeah. Totally. And then you wake up, right?"

"Nope, I am about seven million percent legit."

"Still a virgin huh?" Karkat asked.

"I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is we can rewrite that 'no loud gay sex after three am' clause in the roommate agreement if you guys get me involved too."

"Dave!"

And then I slapped a hand over my mouth. If I'd kept going he would have initiated gay chicken, and he _always _won gay chicken. I hated that. Especially since he's straight and I'd sucked Karkat's dick by then.

"No, fuck, both of you shut up!"

I looked over. Karkat was clutching a throw pillow and staring at the screen with tears in his eyes. I looked back at the TV just in time to see Harry Connick Jr. start reading the last letter. Karkat was mouthing the words along with the movie and by the time we hit "You made me a man by loving me, Holly" he was starting to cry.

Just when I started to stand up, Dave pulled the arm that was still over Karkat's shoulder just a little more tightly.

"You made my life, Holly, and I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more."

Karkat wasn't saying the words anymore. He was too busy crying openly into Dave's chest.

I was not jealous.

Not at all.

"Don't be afraid to fall in love again."

Dave scooted a little closer to Karkat to hold him comfortingly under his chin.

I told myself that it was the part about reuniting with a parent who was all alone that made me focus so intently on the last part of the movie. I don't know if Karkat's ever actually seen that part. He never pulls away before the credits are half over, and that time was no exception.

When he finally did let go he looked sheepishly at Dave and then at me and then Dave stood, shoved him closer to me and sat back down on Karkat's other side.

"You're a lucky man, Egbert," He said. "Vantas cuddles are the best."

"Damn right they are," Karkat replied with a snort. But he was starting to lean into my side, still clingy from the movie. I wrapped both of my arms around him and pulled him closer, which made him squawk with surprise before settling back down.

"Yep," I said, "They're my favorite thing in the world. Except for at three in the morning in July. I'm surprised I haven't died of heat stroke in the night yet."

"It's what you deserve for putting your cold-ass feet on me all winter."

"What's that? I can't hear you with you sniffling into my shirt."

Dave peered at us from over his sunglasses, "You guys are the weirdest boyfriends ever. But, goddamn, how do you walk around without pink kittens and puppies and shit falling from the sky?"

I laughed quietly and buried my face in his hair. I couldn't see, but I was pretty sure Karkat was smiling.

"Hey," Dave said after a moment, "Do you guys have anything to eat? I don't even think I was in this state the last time I stopped."

"I think there might be some Chinese left in the fridge," Karkat said. "If there's anything with a J on it, eat that first."

"Fuck you too, Karkat," I said.

"It's your fault for being an insensitive prick who likes crab rangoon."

"Karkat, you were raised by a crustacean literally a lifetime ago, and seafood is still tasty now. And you keep ordering beef."

"You eat it anyway."

"Yeah, but then I need to lie to Dad about it."

"I think I'm gonna like it here," Dave said.


End file.
